måndag 7 november 2016


What better way to sheer oneself up by doing a week full of Ninja-movies? Giving yourself a big soothing bath of  shurikens. Jusr slip into the bath of sharp  metal throwing stars and immerse yourself in the increasing pool of your own blood. Ahhh...

Our first lesson starts with Enter the Ninja from 1981 by schlockfactory Cannon Group, the first in a loosely connected series of ninja-movies, which in all honestly was mostly for monetary reasons, not artistically or for any specific ninja reasons, unless those reasons are hidden deep within the shadows of some Ninja-ass or some bullshit like that.

Anyway, this is one of the earlier ninja-movies that started the trend. A trend that unfortunately has died of, or vanished, like Ninja itself. People today seem to laugh at Ninja. They would be wrong. They can appreciate Ninja, if Ninja is lackey to a supervillain in a superhero. But if Ninja happens to be Super nInja, they think Ninja is funny. Ninja is not funny!! Ninja is immortal. Ninja is powerful. Ninja is sneaky. Ninja will fuck you  up, sleep with your wife and leave.

Enter the Ninja is about  sucg a Ninja, an american. From Texas. How Ninja can that be? Not very Ninja-sounding to me. But he is Ninja nonetheless. His name is Cole (Franco nero). He graduates from Ninja Academy in Japan and visits his Vietnam warbuddy, helps him out a bit, fucks his wife ,gets him killed and then disappears. That is basically the story. Typical of Texas Ninja to exploit his ninja skills this way. His Seducing Wife-technique is impeccable,  employed without higher morals in my opinion. But then again Ninjas are sneaky fucks. Ninjas can seduce your wives. Ninja can fuck them without you even noticing even when you are in bed with your wife.Ninja vanishes. And Ninja makes her pregnant.  Such are the horny powers of Ninjitsu

Before all that,it is worth mentioning that while he manages to graduate from Ninja Univeristy in Japan, he makes an enemy. A fellow Ninja, a genuine Japanese Ninja ( Sho Kosugi) who sees this hillbilly Texan as a threat to his culture.

If I was in Sho Kosugis shoes ( Ko-shoes?), I would also be upset with having a Texan coming in and stealing my Ninja-thunder from underneath my feet. I mean what the fuck does a cowboy know about being a Ninja? He´s been here one week  and know he totally owned us in our own game?  I can sympathize with him.

In between all that, a  ruthless businessman wants the land that  Cole´s friend has.Why? Because of money. And then when he realizes a Ninja is working against him, he starts yelling "I want my own Ninja" like a spoiled brat, so his lackey will have to go to Japan to interview a few Ninja for the job. And wouldn´t you know it. The enemy of our Texas Ninja gets the job. So you have in the climax a  cultural battle between mystical ninjas from the far west and the far east. And as it is an American production the Far west far exceeds the Far East.

Enter The Ninja is definitely the weakest link in Cannons Ninja-trilogy. It is not as legitimately good as a hardcore Ninja-flick as Revenge of the Ninja. And it is not as weird, crazy, borderline-experimental as Ninja 3-The Domination in its ecclectic mix of Ninja, aerobics and exorcism.. But it is preposterous enough in its earnestness so it is worth a watch at least.  And to learn a trick or two about the Seducing Wife-technique to  create some unexpected and unexplained pregnancies without risking a paternity suit.

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